flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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