listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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