I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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