I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
