Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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