Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
