Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
