I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
