woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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