Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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