Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
