Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
