I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
