Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
