Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
