U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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