He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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