I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize