I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
