I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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