I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Even my vagina gasped.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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