Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
