every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
