shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
