Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
