im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize