Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
