I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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