There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
