Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
