i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
