they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
