God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
