i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
