"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
But we have bathrooms and they dont
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
