Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize