I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
