He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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