return my video game
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
