ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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