90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize