two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
