first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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