ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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