you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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