Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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