i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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