the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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