I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
