I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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