so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My bed smells like the plague
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
