I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
