Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
