We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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