am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
