Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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