I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We need a shit load of segways right now
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
