the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
