Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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