Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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