jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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