No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
