You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
