i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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