I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my phone needs a breathalizer
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
