I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
