i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
