I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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