yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
