Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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