One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
