Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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