All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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