So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
