Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
we should paint friendship bongs
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
