Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
