You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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