Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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