you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
