but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
