Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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