All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
