with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
