Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
