Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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