She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
