What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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