Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
