Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
