There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize