In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
