i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
