he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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