The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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