my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize