lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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