I met the friendliest cop last night
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
