Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize