I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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