peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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