Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
