Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
