Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
