he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
