First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
