I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
