lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
