if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
