That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
