Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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