I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
