The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
